Racing With Destiny: Chapter 3
by Lisette
Legalese: See Chapter 1 for disclaimers and ratings. In addition, some
of you may recognize some quotes from The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.
His amazing words can only be claimed by him.
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go,
We take a little of each other everywhere."
-Tim McGraw-
"So you weren't kidding when you said you didn't have a lot to pack,"
Faith commented as she draped herself across Giles' bed. "Why didn't you say
something? I would've hit the mall with you - got you some real clothes!"
"Faith," Xander interrupted, his eyes dropping down to her scanty ensemble,
"leather is hardly considered 'real' clothes in the opinions of the general populous."
Smiling wryly, Buffy tuned out her friends' mock-quarrel as she slowly moved back
and forth from the closet that Giles had cleared for her to the small duffel that rested
beside her friend. Things had been rough at first between the brunette and the rest
of the Scoobies, memories of past betrayals still too close to the surface, but with Buffy's
example and determination, all hurdles were crossed as the group accepted the brunette
back in their midst. Frowning, she realized that in many ways, Faith was now a much
bigger and streamlined member of their group than she was. There was just too much
in her past that stood in the way. "Nah, I had enough," she finally added
when a lull fell in their argument, realizing the double entendre of her own words.
"At least it makes for light travel," Xander offered as he watched Willow
help their friend pack. "Is that what you're wearing?" he asked.
Frowning slightly, Buffy looked down at her simple white long-sleeved shirt and the
blue jean coveralls that all but hid her slim form. "I don't know," she murmured,
her expression faltering. "What do you wear to a prestigious wizarding school in
England?" she asked, forcing a smile. "England... I've never even been to
Canada," she smirked. "Plus, I don't really own any tweed," she mock-fretted.
"You look fine," Willow assured, gently squeezing her friend's arm.
"Oh, and you forgot a shirt," Xander added, lightly jumping to his feet and
snatching up the garment that had been hidden in the corner. Smiling slightly, he tossed
it to the blonde slayer, and reacting on instinct, she caught it easily.
Feeling her breath hitch, Buffy looked down at the tee-shirt, the pale blue material
consuming her vision. She had thought that she had burned that shirt, or at least gotten
rid of it for good. When she had gone shopping with Giles after being released from the
hospital, the shirt had found its way into the pile of things to purchase. Later, back at his
apartment, the mere sight of it had sent her into one of the fits that she so despised.
Even now, she could hear their voices calling out to her, taunting her and laughing
mercilessly as their blows rained down upon her body, reveling in her pain. In no time
the pale blue tank and scratchy pants would be covered with her blood, only to be
replaced later by a similar pair... always that same shade of pale blue. Always covered in
her blood, the material doing nothing to hide her cuts and bruises... hide her pain.
"Buffy!"
Startled, Buffy's eyes snapped away from the garment, wondering how long she had
been lost in her memories that time as she took in her friends' worried gazes. "I... I
never really liked that shade, anyway," she murmured, smiling weakly as she quickly
shoved the offending garment into Willow's hands. "You keep it," she added,
forcing a bright grin that no doubt looked grotesque on her pale features. With shaking
hands, she turned away from the questions in her friends' eyes and zipped up the bulging
duffel. With a pained smile, she was about to throw it over one shoulder when Xander heaved the bag.
"Did I say light travel?" he joked as he smiled timidly at the blonde, relieved
to see the thanks in her eyes. If there was one thing that they had learned over the past
few months, it was that pushing Buffy to talk about what had happened, pushing her to talk
about where she went when her eyes glazed over and her memories took over, would only
push her away further. Instead, she prefered their blind sightedness to her new quirks. And
if it meant making Buffy happy, Xander was willing to do anything. "Shall we?" he
asked, leading the way back downstairs.
"That was quick," Giles observed from the living room as the teens rejoined
him and Samuel, his eyes drifting over the solemn parade.
"Weapons?" Buffy returned, her eyes skipping over the two bags that rest
against the far wall, wondering how she could have missed them before.
"Already packed," her Watcher assured, nodding towards the larger and bulkier of the two.
"Good," Buffy murmured, obviously distracted as her eyes swept over the room.
"Then can you guys hang tight for a few minutes? I.. I need to go say goodbye to
someone," she added, not waiting for a response as she headed towards the door.
Puzzled, Willow and Xander were about to start after her when Faith held up a hand,
stopping them with the small gesture. "Let her go," she murmured knowingly
as she watched her sister slayer disappear out the door. "This is something she needs to do alone."
Sighing softly, Buffy slowly made her way across the grassy grounds, the bright sun casting
the familiar world into doubt. She wasn't accustomed to making this trek under the light of day,
and the shadowless grounds were throwing her for a loop... as were the birds twittering in the
trees above and the sounds of children filtering in from a nearby park. When she normally made
this voyage, her world was covered in darkness with only the creatures of the night creating their own quiet symphony.
Pushing those thoughts aside, Buffy faltered and then stopped before a familiar granite tomb.
The simple sight of it was enough to take her breath away as Buffy slipped to the ground, her legs
curling beneath her as she gently placed the bouquet of wild flowers on the grave before her.
"Hi Mom," she whispered, her words catching in her throat as her eyes traced the
familiar name etched forever in granite. "I-I know that I said I wouldn't be back until tonight
but... something has come up," she explained as her hands drifted over the green grass.
"I have to go away for awhile, to England," she murmured. "I don't know how
long I'll be gone, or if I'll even be coming back," she admitted, "but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."
"You see," she began anew, "I... I can't do this. I can't just go on, day after
day, when I see the ghost of you everywhere." Sighing, she turned her head away, her eyes
drifting over the other graves that littered the area. "Sometimes my grief is just too much, and
even though I understand that we're never going to see each other again, there's a part of me that
wants to hold onto you forever - that begs me to never leave you here alone," she murmured,
eyes returning, as always, to the gravestone. "It took me so long to get here to see you, and
it would be easy for me to do that - to never leave, because leaving you might make you go away,"
she added, picturing her mother's beautiful hazel eyes in her mind - before grimacing as her mother's
image rippled until her smiling face was one filled with the pain of death.
Look away. Oh Baby, just please look away.
"I - I don't know if the dead can come back to this earth," she whispered, brushing
away the tears that threatened to fall, "and move about unseen by those who loved them,
but if they can, then I know that you'll always be with me. You're not gone forever," she
murmured, her tone hardening with a fierce desperation for her words to be true, "no matter
where I go. You're standing beside me, helping to guide me toward a future that I can't predict."
Sighing, Buffy slowly climbed to her feet, idly wiping the grass from her pants before reaching
one hand out and laying it tenderly on the warm granite. "Thanks, Mom," she whispered,
her voice soft, "for giving me so many happy memories," she murmured, despite the fact
that it was still nearly impossible for her to picture anything else but her mother's death at this point.
"Thank you for loving me," she pushed on stubbornly, "despite what I became...
but most of all, thank you for understanding that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."
With a soft nod, Buffy bent down a pressed her lips against the smooth stone, a single tear trailing
down her cheek and falling on the grass that grew above her mother's final resting place. "You'll
be okay here, and I'll never forget you. I'll try to come back to you. I love you," she whispered
before slowly turning away.
A heavy silence had fallen upon the room in the time since Buffy had returned from her goodbyes.
While she had been gone, the apartment had seen a whirlwind of activity as Giles finished the business
of closing down his apartment for what could potentially be quite a long time. Maybe forever, even
though none would admit to it. Instead, both Willow and Xander had endured Giles' tour of the apartment,
pretending to take note of which book should be boxed with which over the next few week and which
company they should contact to ship the rest of his important possessions to him in England. For now,
only the essentials would be accompanying him and Buffy on their trip. And in truth, there simply wasn't
enough time for anything further. Then it was Faith's turn to endure Giles' tour of which books would be
left for her coming Watcher, the man finally, reluctantly, pressing his keys into her open hand to be passed
to her new Watcher upon their arrival.
"And I expect to find my home in the same working order upon my return," he had added,
a frown pulling at his lips as Faith's grin only grew.
"Sure G, whatever you say," she had chuckled, all the while throwing devious looks to the two remaining Scoobies.
However, since her return only minutes before, there was nothing left for the group to do but say
their goodbyes. "What happened to Mr. Fellows?" Buffy asked, knowing that she was only
delaying the inevitable as her eyes took note of the missing Brit.
"He was called away on urgent business," Giles explained crisply as he lifted his small
duffel of personal items and moved it to the center of the room. "But don't worry, he and I went
over everything before he left."
Shrugging her small shoulders, Buffy moved to foot of the stairs and lifted her duffel to her shoulder
before scooping up the heavier bag of weapons, carrying them easily and depositing them besides Giles'
bag. "Then I guess that's it," she murmured, her eyes skipping around the darkened apartment. "We should get-"
"But it's almost lunch time," Willow interrupted, pointing to the clock mounted on the
wall behind her, pausing as she noted the small hand pointing to the ten. "In like two hours,"
she amended with a frown, "but maybe we should eat lunch now?" she suggested, her eyes
betraying the real reason behind her query. She wasn't driven by hunger, but by the need to hold on a little longer.
Buffy slowly shook her head as she met her friend's green eyes. "No, Willow, it's time to
go," she murmured. She knew that if they didn't leave soon - leave now - it would only get
harder. "Besides, I'm sure we can grab something on the way to LA."
"We're not going to LA," Giles interrupted as he watched the display behind saddened
eyes. Truth be told, Buffy wasn't the only one that was finding it difficult to say goodbye. Try as he might,
he had been unable to prevent any of the teens in the room from worming their way into his heart. Oh,
he had tried to stay distanced from them all as the Council demanded... but with teens like these, it was
impossible. He was going to miss them all terribly - even Xander.
"What do you mean?" Buffy broke in, her brow tightening in confusion. "How else
are we supposed to get to England? 'Cause last I checked, that was the closest international airport."
"We're not flying," Giles continued, smiling vaguely at his slayer's confusion.
"And not that I have anything against a cruise," Buffy continued, shooting a confused
look to her friends, "but for the big hurry, isn't that going to take-"
"Buffy, we're taking a portkey."
"A what key?" Xander asked, looking at the Watcher as though he had grown a third head.
Smiling, Giles nodded towards a small silver thimble that he held in a handkerchief in one hand,
a parting gift from his friend. "A portkey is a normal item that has been enchanted. Once we
touch it, the portkey will instantaneously transport us to just outside the gates of Hogwarts."
Eying the small object doubtfully, Buffy slowly shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever you say,"
she said simply before turning her eyes to her friends. It was strange to think that for months they were all
that she could think of - the only thing that kept her going even when the will to live had left her far behind.
And here, only three months after finding them again, she was leaving them - this time of her own free will.
Silently, she couldn't help but wonder if Jarod accidentally put her brain back wrong when he was playing
God with her fried synapses. "Then I guess this is it," she murmured as Willow bowled into her
arms. Surprised, it took Buffy a moment before her own arms wrapped around the taller girl, squeezing her for all that she was worth.
"I understand why you're going," Willow whispered, tears trailing down her cheeks as
she said goodbye to her best friend. "Just don't be gone so long this time," she added as
she pulled away, a small smile bravely fighting for dominance. It was a teary smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"I'll try," Buffy said, knowing that was the extent of the promise that
she was able to give. "And tell Oz that I was sorry I couldn't say goodbye,"
she added before she was being turned and buried in Xander's embrace, the lanky teen
dwarfing her as his head bent down towards her golden tresses.
"We'll be waiting for you to come home," he said, knowing there was
nothing else he could say to convey the hurt that was building within him at seeing her
go. They had survived, barely, without her these past few months, and Xander knew
that life would continue on without the blonde slayer... but that didn't mean that they
had to enjoy it. Frowning softly, he pulled away, her green eyes shining back up at him.
"And if you come back sporting some new tweed, we're going to have issues,"
he added, forcing a familiar smirk in the Watcher's direction.
And then, as she was freed and the two teens turned to wrap their arms around the
sputtering Watcher, Buffy was left with her sister slayer, the brunette standing before her
with an expression that said that she didn't give a shit what happened. After all, if she
allowed others to see the hurt, then that would leave her open to further damage.
But Buffy knew better. "You'll take care of them for me, won't you?"
"No worries, B," Faith replied easily, a smile lifting her lips. "We're five
by five - the Hellmouth won't even know what hit it."
"You're going to surprise them all," Buffy returned, smiling slightly before
quickly leaning forward and hugging the slayer tightly, obviously surprising the girl. And
even though the embrace wasn't returned, Buffy knew how Faith was feeling. The time
that she had spent in Faith's head had been telling for both Slayers. There were no longer
any walls or pretenses to keep either Slayer from seeing everything there was to see of
the other. No more secrets. Buffy was able to see Faith's empty childhood, the rejection
of her mother, the death of her first watcher, and all of her insecurities when faced with
the tight-knit Scooby gang. In turn, Buffy suspected that Faith had seen all that Buffy had
faced, from her parents' divorce when she was younger, to her first watcher's death, her
own death at the hands of the Master, sending Angel to hell, his resurrection.... and her
mother's murder as well as all that she had endured while a captive of the Centre. Neither
was a pretty picture, but Buffy realized that these glimpses into the most hidden parts of
each other's mind had connected the two slayers in a way that the mere bonds of sister
slayers had never united them before. She also knew that she was leaving the Hellmouth
in safe hands. There was nothing left for her to do there.
Meanwhile, Giles allowed himself to be crushed between both Xander and Willow, the
teens clinging to him tightly. Although part of him rebelled at such... affections, another part
quietly reveled in it. After so many years, each of the teens had found a place in his heart.
He had looked out for them all for so long, knew so much more about their lives than their
own uncaring parents... he would miss them too.
"Take care of her for us, Giles," Xander stated quietly, not intending for the slayer to hear his muffled words.
"And make sure she gets better. I miss her," Willow admitted quietly before
they both pulled away, forcing small smiles for the two slayers that watched their display with unbridled amusement.
"Yes, well," Giles said, clearing his throat loudly before nodding once to Buffy, "we should be off."
Nodding, Buffy made herself promise that she wouldn't cry as she quickly lifted the two
remaining bags, slinging a strap over each shoulder. Idly, she realized that they were probably
going to draw stares wherever they arrived. It probably looked a little ridiculous, what with
Giles carrying one small duffel while Buffy, a mere portion of his height, shouldered two heavy
packs as though they were nothing. Shrugging lightly, she realized it wasn't to be helped.
Buffy stepped beside her watcher and reached for the thimble the same instant as he. And
as their fingers brushed against the cold metal, it felt as though something grabbed a hold of
something deep inside of her, just behind her navel, and pulled with a force that took her breath
away. A second later and they were gone.
"Goodbye," Willow whispered to the empty space, Xander's heavy arm falling
over her shoulders. "And be careful," she added before silently following the two
remaining Scoobies to the front door. Pausing, she looked back at the darkened and empty
apartment. Already it felt different. Wrong. And somehow Willow knew that it would never be
quite right again until both Giles and Buffy returned to them. "Hurry back..."
Continue to Chapter 4
